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Election 2012, POLITICAL HUMOR

POLITICMIX unendorses Romney and endorses Monty Brewster for President!

 

Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts,...

Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, 2008 US presidential candidate. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

By Staff writers

Photos: AP

Tired of skewed polls, slanted debate spin and empty stump speeches? We’ll, we are too.

On election day, we won’t tell you who to vote for, we will just tell you to vote. But we can’t help thinking maybe the late, great Richard Pryor had it right all along in his 80’s classic Brewster’s Millions, “Vote for None of the Above”. The following pargraphs explain why POLITICMIX.COM is unendorsing Romney and endorsing Monty Brewster-“None of the Above”.

We are 10 days and counting from the big election and the Romney team looks to have the momentum. Will the president’s lack luster performance in the first debate cost him the championship? We have all seen the polls shifting back and forth like a seesaw and now it’s almost time to walk in that voting booth and pull the lever.

Most news services are reporting that this race is tighter than Michael Phelps‘ olympic race in 2008, and we all remember the 2000 election debacle in Florida. Undecided voters should shake up the race and vote for the only man who really speaks for the people- Monty Brewster. He’s richer than Romney and twice as soulful and funny as Obama – he can’t lose!

This year’s election is shaping up to be a close one and Team Obama is scrambling around the country like Mike Vick playing the Giants, but liberals are wondering how could a president with a dead Osama bin Laden, Healthcare Act and a thriving GM in his pocket be trailing? Monty Brewster bought Iceburg’s for fresh drinking water and his best friend a gold catcher’s mitt medallion and still had almost half the vote.

It seems that when Obama took office, the political capital he spent on the $700 billion stimulus and the Affordable Healthcare Act left no gas in the tank to get a jobs bill done. First, we had the “shovel ready” jobs idea which stalled because in the president’s own words they were “not so shovel ready”. Next, we had the push for green jobs. However, all the “green” went to companies like Solyndra instead of state energy departments to retrain laid off manufacturing workers.

While the republican-led Congress has been a full of gobbledygook in their own right, the left has not made enough efforts to get people back to work either. Romney claims he can create 12 million new jobs, but Brewster created jobs in 12 minutes by hiring a personal photographer, security gaurd, personal  driver  and hundreds of groupie supporters on day one of his administration.

While the Equal Pay Act was an honorable thing to do, it should have been tied to a comprehensive committee to provide jobs for military spouses to help out while their loved ones are at war. Furthermore, while the healthcare bill will help many people get health insurance, the only mandate should have related to a mandate for jobs or at least job training. Brewster created high paying jobs for women like his attorney and interior decorator, take that Obama and Romney!

While the president has done well by college students by increasing Pell Grants, he also made all graduate loans unsubsidized, which will have many future masters, doctoral and professional degree holders held up with crushing debt. President Obama’s last State of the Union speech was aimed at winning the future, but how can America compete with all of its brightest brains crippled in debt? Brewster gave out a full scholarship to his legal counsel without any interest attached!

Before you say we are Glenn Beck loving, Ralph Nader minded, Ron Paul / Tea Party burnouts ranting for Romney, we should a;ert you that our staff is not so head over heels forRomney either. He has potential to get the economy rolling with his impressive business resume and his tenure as a Republican Governor of a liberal State. However, Romney seems to be willing to say anything to any crowd to get support. That may work in business, but this is politics. People are used to a little flip-flopping and may even tolerate a stretch of the truth or two, but they do want to know what you stand for and who you really are. Brewster never sent his money offshore like Romney! He wasted it right here in the good ole’ USA.

Of all the criticisms of George W. Bush’s lack of intellectual gravitas and hawkish war doctrine, we can at least say Americans knew what they were getting. Romney’s recent campaign strategy is similar to the guy who is in your fantasy football pool and trades players every week just to avoid losing points. Secondly, Romney seems unwilling to contain the fringe elements of his party, some of whom are his own surrogates. He dodges questions about them, covers for flatout cooks like Sununu and never stops them from spewing racist banter about the president and minorities as a whole. Romney’s mad hatter politics may work in the minor leagues of  the GOP primary, but this is the majors and Brewster is the only candidate to go toe-to-toe with the big leagers and hold his ground.

So, this election cycle, we must make a clear choice about whether you want to elect a man like Mitt Romney who looks the part, but won’t let you see his playbook or a man like Barack Obama who is honorable, means well, but may throw an interception at the wrong time?  We say shake up the race and go for a candidate that has the pulse of the people, is generous with money, throws a mean fastball and knows how to run a political party- Monty Brewster!

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